I watched that sappy Mother’s Day video a while back – a normal day from the mom’s perspective versus the kid’s. It was sweet and touching. And of course, my sarcastic, idiot brain started thinking about what a video of a “normal day” would look like from our perspectives.
I don’t do videos. They’re terrifying. Knee-shaking, fear-inducing: a big nope. So you’re stuck with the written version. Sorry (ok, not sorry. I’m sure you’ll get over it, because you REALLY don’t want to see me flub a video.)
Ahem. Today: a normal day in the lives of us – the mildly insane family living down the street from you. Or across the nation. Whatever.
Today was the worst day ever! I dropped my leftovers at lunch that I wanted to save for later and mom refused to wash it! She said it was trash now and threw it away! I cried and cried – why couldn’t she use soap and clean it off so that I could eat it later? She sat me down on the sofa and helped me calm down, but I’m still upset. I want my leftovers!
Mom made us clean up the train track on the floor and that wasn’t fun. Why do I have to clean up the toys? I keep telling her that it’s her house so she should do it, but she doesn’t listen. Then she put some math problems on the chalk board for me and they were so fun! I switched the < to > accidentally and she made me fix it. Oops! Mom tried to draw fractions and she didn’t do a good job, but it’s ok, I understood it anyway. She’s still trying to make me learn skip counting by 25s and I can’t do it. I hate it.
Today was the best day ever! I asked daddy if we could get the kiddie pool out and he said probably not. But mom let us go outside and she even put the sprinkler up for us too! She got upset when I tried to spray her with the sprinkler, so I had to be really careful. The Destroyer wouldn’t stop chasing me with the sprinkler and I got so upset and mom didn’t care – she said it was just water. She doesn’t understand! It’s water in my FACE!
I built a drum set again today and the Destroyer wouldn’t leave it alone. He wanted to mess it up and I kept screaming for mom. The Princess built her own too, but she liked mine better. Mom wouldn’t put the Moana soundtrack on so that I could listen to it during dinner. I don’t understand why. She got upset with me and told me that if it wasn’t an emergency that I should leave her alone. I kept telling her that the Destroyer was eating applesauce from the serving spoon but she didn’t get up. It was an emergency! She kept the pillow on her head and ignored me. I hate it when people ignore me.
The chickens were dancing! It was SO FUNNY! (from the movie Chicken Run) I brought all my ponies downstairs but then I lost MooseMoose and I was sad. Mommy made me go potty but I didn’t want to – I went 5 times in the toilet and that’s enough.
Mommy said no treat for breakfast. She said to stop asking. Why? The Destroyer took my train … that’s MY TRAIN! MAKE HIM STOP!!! I cried on the sofa, I was so FRUSTRATED!! I told Engineer that I would never play with him again and he was sad. Mommy said to not be sad, that I didn’t mean it. I did mean it! I changed my mind.
Engineer did math problems and mommy said I had to wait my turn. I drew a pretty picture instead with chalk. It didn’t look right on the carpet though. My turn! I got to count circles! Mommy helped me write the numbers. I like purple chalk.
Mommy put my new water shirt on, it’s so pretty! I love turtles! It’s pink. And purple. Just like my ponies! Mommy said I couldn’t bring ponies outside. We played in the water and it was SO COLD!!! My shoes kept coming off and mommy said to stop screaming, that we could fix it.
Why do I have to go to bed? Why do I have to sleep? Mommy brushed my hair and didn’t catch my ear. I caught my ear when I brushed. It hurt. Why do I have a belly button?
Mommy came in the dark when I was scared. I told her “snuggle!” and she did. She turned on Bunny. I want tablet. She said no. No fair!
Train track! I played trains. Zoom, zoom! Look, Princess shared her trains! Mommy made me give it back. She told me no throwing. No hitting. I hate mommy.
I hit my head on the table. Mommy hugged me. She gave me an icepack. I love mommy. Food time! I love cheese. Mommy made me put some back. I hate sharing.
I have socks on my hands. It’s funny! Mommy laughed. She said I have to take them off or tablet won’t work. Socks!
Water time! Sprinkler is fun. Engineer and Princess like it when I chase them. They run!
Bed time. No! I won’t! I lay on the floor. Mommy says no kicking. I won’t say night-night to daddy. I won’t! I flop. Mommy carries me. I lay down. I scream.
Mommy puts me in bed. NO! I cry. Tell mommy snuggle. Then she tucks me in. I love mommy.
The kids won’t stop screaming. Is someone being murdered out there? I swear, they stand right outside my door and yell because they know I’m on a conference call. I wish they would stop. PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!!
I think we are raising a herd of elephants. That’s what it sounds like. How is anyone supposed to think with this going on? What on earth are they doing? Engineer asked if they could go outside and play in the kiddie pool. I wish they could – it would be quiet! Probably won’t happen, she’s fighting another migraine. I hate it when we have to disappoint the kids.
Princess won’t stop asking if I can play with her. I hate that – I have to work, and she doesn’t understand that. How can someone be cute and infuriating at the same time? She won’t stop asking.
Quiet time – bliss! Peace and quiet if I ignore the thumps from upstairs.
Another day, another struggle. Destroyer kept waking up last night. I lost count. I’m going to try to get some school work done today, I feel like we lost too much time last week. It’s summer, right? Can I talk Engineer into taking a break?
There’s a headache looming, it’s too bright outside. Just looking out the window makes it worse. Mr. Genius said Engineer asked to go outside. I can’t. I just can’t. I’ll lose another night, burrowing my head into the covers and trying to appease the migraine gods. Why won’t the kids stop screaming?
Laundry is piling up again. How many loads do you think I can fit into one basket? The Destroyer stole some socks – he can’t put them on his feet, but he has no trouble putting them on his hands. What kind of 2-year-old logic is that? If I squint my eyes just right I can ignore the mess on the counter. I can’t ignore the mess on the counter. I’m going to lose it if someone doesn’t pick SOMETHING up off the floor!
Kiddie pool is a hit. The Destroyer thinks the sprinkler makes a great weapon. I’m raising a little bully. I swear, he does things just to make his siblings scream. Yup, migraine. Here we go again. At least I got the laundry folded.
Is it bedtime yet?
(yes, it’s bedtime. Best part of the day!)