Today was not a good day. In fact, today was a foggy kind of day, interspersed with random screams of “don’t stand on the table!” and “he ate what?!” I spent most of my day on the sofa and the rest of it dragging myself around. No homeschooling happened today. Nope. Zilch, nada, not a bit.
That’s ok. That’s why we school year-round and at weird times, so that we can roll with the bad days and still get our learning on. It irritates me – that I can fall apart at a moment’s notice – but it’s my new normal. Sucky kind of normal if you ask me.
This week’s thoughtful reflections were triggered by two very different viewpoints I ran smack dab into out on the internet. I don’t want to make this a political post, but I do want to point out a few things that I struggle to reconcile in my own situation.
- I am a feminist.
- I am a stay-at-home-parent homeschooler
Those two don’t mix well.
We eat out too much. I freely admit to that – and I also know why. I’m frequently drained and the idea of someone else fixing 5 different meals at the same time for my family is enticing. Still, eating out is way more complicated than it should be, thanks to Sensory Processing Disorder.
People truly don’t understand sensory issues. They see a picky kid and assume that it’s a parenting issue. “Just make him eat it,” they urge. “If he gets hungry enough he’ll eat.” I’ve heard it all, and I smile and nod and ignore them. If I try to make my kids eat something they’ll puke. And they’ll cheerfully starve themselves to avoid a problem food.
I stared at a flat thin line tonight and wanted to give up. It’s just a little blue line, but it was a symbol of all the things that have gone wrong this month. It meant starting over, failure, and a profound sense of loss.
That line is on my dashboard for Teachers Pay Teachers. My sales were never impressive, and in the cut-throat world of sellers willing to quit teaching jobs and devote hours to creating and marketing, I was a tiny fish in a sea of options. Still, I made a tidy lump of sales that made me happy. I contributed to the family financially, and sales were growing.
In the last month, everything that I’ve worked toward with this blog and my educational products crashed in a big way. I made the hard decision to pull my products from the SEA Homeschoolers online store despite wanting to support them. I killed my Teachers Pay Teachers store, leaving only 1 lonely freebie as a place holder. And worst of all, the rock of my blogging world collapsed into a mess of loss and pain: Gifted Homeschoolers Forum went down in flames after the executive director stepped down.
It’s finally December. I whipped up a batch of sugar scrub, we put up the Christmas tree, and the kids are all excited and happily counting down on their Aldi chocolate advent calendar. 21 days until Christmas!
I caught myself thinking “I’ll make a batch of fudge!” What is WRONG with me!?